I am still depressed. There I said it.
I’ve had a few really good months and then the weather started to change and so did my mood. I’m sure there are a few other reason’s why I started sinking back into darker days, but for now I am just going to blame the dreary weather. It’s easier that way.
Once I realized I was sinking, I started to realize what my “signs” are. The things I should be looking for to tell me I am starting to sink.
Laundry is one of them. But, first I will admit that I have never liked laundry. And I have always been lazy when it comes to actually finishing all of it at once like a normal person. I’ll get it all clean and then leave it folded (or sometimes unfolded) in a basket. So its not really surprising that laundry is one of the first things I lose motivation to do when I am feeling low.
I will try so hard to start and finish three weeks worth of laundry and then I lose motivation after two loads. It has became a vicious cycle. I am working on it though.
Another sure sign I am feeling low is how messy our room is.
Its no secret that my husband and I are not the most organized folks and we both tend to be a bit messy. (Never say dirty, most of the time you will find clothes on our floor, but its almost always dust and cobweb free. Messy, not dirty.) But if I am having more dark days than light ones, our room will be horrible.
Another not so secret fact, we live with my mother-in law. And she likes to come home from work to a clean house. She is pretty understanding if I am having a bad day and the house is in not so perfect condition. But, she does a lot for us, especially the kids, so I try really hard to keep up on the chores so that the house is somewhat presentable.
Honestly though, it has been a blessing having to keep up on the house in order to please nana. It keeps me moving. Even on a rough day, I can find a little motivation in the fact that she likes a clean house. In the fact that she deserves to come home to a clean house.
But by keeping up on the chores around the house, it leaves me with little energy to finish the laundry. Or clean our room.
I figured out the correlation between the state of our room and how depressed I am a few months ago. My mom also fights her own battle with depression and has for sometime. We were talking on the phone and she mentioned she read an article about how someone with depression will have a room that looks like a teenager lives in it. She told me her room looked like a teenagers room and I told her mine did, too.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized how true it is. If I am having a good few days or weeks, I will keep my room clean and actually spend time in there. If I am feeling really low I will focus on the chores in the front of the house and close our door.
I have noticed that our room was a bit of a wreck, but sitting on our bed last night collecting my thoughts before doing bath time with the kids, I looked around and was disgusted. I realized right then and there that I was sinking really low again. And I had to pull myself out before I got to low.
As I type this I am proud to say our room is clean and I am making progress with the laundry.
This morning, as I was cleaning the room, I decided if I want to stay on the other side of those dark days I am going to need to keep our room clean. Like, actually keep it clean. All the time.
If you are a depressed mommy (or person really) have you noticed what your “signs” are? Does your laundry pile up? Is your shower in desperate need of a good bleaching? Leave a comment! I would love to connect with you!
PS: Don’t forget to follow my Mom Depression Pinterest board!