Depression and My Messy Room. The reality of this depressed mommy, my room is a disaster!

I am still depressed. There I said it.

I’ve had a few really good months and then the weather started to change and so did my mood. I’m sure there are a few other reason’s why I started sinking back into darker days, but for now I am just going to blame the dreary weather. It’s easier that way.

Once I realized I was sinking, I started to realize what my “signs” are. The things I should be looking for to tell me I am starting to sink.

Laundry is one of them. But, first I will admit that I have never liked laundry. And I have always been lazy when it comes to actually finishing all of it at once like a normal person. I’ll get it all clean and then leave it folded (or sometimes unfolded) in a basket. So its not really surprising that laundry is one of the first things I lose motivation to do when I am feeling low.

I will try so hard to start and finish three weeks worth of laundry and then I lose motivation after two loads. It has became a vicious cycle. I am working on it though.

Another sure sign I am feeling low is how messy our room is.

Its no secret that my husband and I are not the most organized folks and we both tend to be a bit messy. (Never say dirty, most of the time you will find clothes on our floor, but its almost always dust and cobweb free. Messy, not dirty.) But if I am having more dark days than light ones, our room will be horrible.

Another not so secret fact, we live with my mother-in law. And she likes to come home from work to a clean house. She is pretty understanding if I am having a bad day and the house is in not so perfect condition. But, she does a lot for us, especially the kids, so I try really hard to keep up on the chores so that the house is somewhat presentable.

Honestly though, it has been a blessing having to keep up on the house in order to please nana. It keeps me moving. Even on a rough day, I can find a little motivation in the fact that she likes a clean house. In the fact that she deserves to come home to a clean house.

But by keeping up on the chores around the house, it leaves me with little energy to finish the laundry. Or clean our room.

I figured out the correlation between the state of our room and how depressed I am a few months ago. My mom also fights her own battle with depression and has for sometime. We were talking on the phone and she mentioned she read an article about how someone with depression will have a room that looks like a teenager lives in it. She told me her room looked like a teenagers room and I told her mine did, too.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized how true it is. If I am having a good few days or weeks, I will keep my room clean and actually spend time in there. If I am feeling really low I will focus on the chores in the front of the house and close our door.

I have noticed that our room was a bit of a wreck, but sitting on our bed last night collecting my thoughts before doing bath time with the kids, I looked around and was disgusted. I realized right then and there that I was sinking really low again. And I had to pull myself out before I got to low.

As I type this I am proud to say our room is clean and I am making progress with the laundry.

(Something like this could really help with my laundry habits!)

This morning, as I was cleaning the room, I decided if I want to stay on the other side of those dark days I am going to need to keep our room clean. Like, actually keep it clean. All the time.

If you are a depressed mommy (or person really) have you noticed what your “signs” are? Does your laundry pile up? Is your shower in desperate need of a good bleaching? Leave a comment! I would love to connect with you!

xoxo

PS: Don’t forget to follow my Mom Depression Pinterest board!

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22 thoughts on “Depression and My Messy Room”

  1. Sami we all have our dark days and dark momments. Being a stay at home mom is the hardest because all you are around are the kids. Adult interaction always is needed and helps. Remeber when you reach those moments you too need a break, a wine night with the girls, date night with the hubby, or even just a nice hot soak in a hot soapy bath with a glass of wine And a good book. Whatever helps you. I know that when I’m reaching my darkest days I just have no motivation for anything. To work, to clean, cook, or even my kids. But unfortunately for the single mom I don’t get that option. So I always just settle for my weekly lunch date to chili’s and have margaritas. I am fortunate enough to have my sister here to help with the laundry and cleaning and cooking. And remember if anytime you so need a lunch date, I’m off Thursdays and Fridays most weeks. I’m proud of you, you have a strong will and you can admit and face your depressions and sorrows and you work through them. Love you
    -Sonya

    1. Sonya, you are seriously one of the strongest women I know! You are one of the people I will forever cherish as a part of my life! Thank you for your kind words and sharing with me! Love you girl!

  2. Samantha, I have friends who suffer from chronic depression. It is not an easy thing to deal with, and you all have my sympathy. One thing I’ve learned about it is that outer chaos, while it often reflects the inner chaos, also *leads* to inner chaos. So I would try making your bedroom your highest priority. First thing in the morning, make the bed and tidy the room, open the curtains. Perhaps you have more clothes than you need, in which case you could do the decluttering thing. That often makes it easier to keep a room tidy. Also, you mentioned the seasonal thing having a bad effect on you. Have you heard about the special lights you can use to help with that? A lot of people have been helped by those. And don’t get down on yourself! Wishing you all the best.

  3. When I get down, I don’t clean either, laundry does pile up; but the biggest sign for me is I stop answering texts and phone calls. I just want to lay in bed and sleep all the time. Functioning well feels so much better. But when life gets tough or there are lots of rainy days or my kids have lots of close calls, I struggle. Thank you for posting this!! #weekendblogshare

  4. Oh Samantha, bless you. You’re doing so well by recognising your ‘signs’, this will really help you. I too suffer from depression, I was diagnosed about 7 years ago and was treated with medication, which I still take and CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy). The therapy worked well for me as it helped me recognise my triggers and work out ways to deal with them. People underestimate how hard it is to be a stay at home mum/ dad. It can be very isolating and lonely, but you are doing a fabulous job and I’m sure the blog is helping you. Thank you so much for sharing so honestly. Sending you lots of love and hugs from the UK #WeekendBlogShare xx

    1. Thank you so much for your sweet and encouraging words, Lisa! Thank you for sharing with me, too. And, yes the blog has been very therapeutic for me as well.

  5. I’m not depressed and my shower still needs a good scrub! As for the laundry, I think Mount Washmore is enough to make anyone feel depressed! Joking aside, go you for noticing the signs and for taking positive action. There’s a Buddhist concept that we reflect our environment, so when we’re in a place that’s calm, clean and tidy, so that’s reflected in our daily life. I kept thinking about that as I read your post – if your room is looking good, maybe it will help you to feel good too ­čÖé

  6. It is wonderful that no matter where you are at you can recognise your emotions. Talking about it helps others too. I get what you are saying with being on top of domestic stuff. I do always feel a few rungs higher on the ladder if I have the house at least kind of under control.

  7. Well done for realising when you need to pull yourself out of a low. I invariably don’t notice until it is too late to pull myself back up. Good on you for making a dent in your Mount Washmore (for the record I only know a few fully functioning ppl that do washing, bring it in, fold it, put it away and iron it all in the one day – typically they are people of my mother’s generation – the rest of us have much better things to do with our time.)
    Hope you continue to climb up out of that low. xoxo

    1. Thank you Cat! The laundry doesn’t bother so much. I’ve never been very good at actually getting my laundry done. Like you said, I always have something better to do instead! Appreciate the kind words!

  8. I have messy times too! I think it totally depends on how you are feeling and what you can do. If I’m stressed with other things, I’m clean, but I don’t tidy things away – like toys and stuff the children leave around. I really hope you start to feel better – being aware and admitting it is the first step and I’m willing you on! Try not to be too hard on yourself though!

  9. Oh bless you lovely. You should be so proud of yourself for recognising the signs as it’s not easy and then even more so for trying to overcome how you’re feeling. Well done and keep going. Fake it till you make it xxx Thank you for joining the #weekendblogshare

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