I’m in a funk.

And the truth is, I have been for quite sometime.

I am pretty good at hiding it. Putting on that smile in order to make people, even the ones closest to me, believe all is fine and dandy.

Well, its not.

One morning I woke up with a list of things needing to be done and children needing attending to, just like every morning. But this particular morning I felt way more overwhelmed than usual and a feeling I can only describe as suffocating. 

I got the kids settled down for breakfast and with my coffee in hand I sat down and made two calls.

One to my regular doctor and one to the therapist.

Both appointments are next week and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous.

By taking the first step I have already noticed a shift in myself.

I have just been sinking deeper and deeper into depression. Even dealing with a few panic attacks.

Once I hung up the phone after making those calls I felt like I could actually see the light.

I know what needs to be done in order to help our situation and my own happiness. I know what needs to be done in order to help my depression. I know all of these things. But, that’s depression for ya. I lack the motivation. 

That morning I decided once in for all that I was done playing victim to the depression.

I decided I am going to reach out and learn the tools I need in order to bring back my motivation. And just by making the calls I’ve already gained some of that motivation back. I’ve reached out to old friends, starting writing again and have spent some actual quality time with my kids and family.

I am actually looking forward to the future and the changes I am going to be making.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is baby steps. 

 

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